7-14-19
8:32 am Sunday
I have been keeping this journal going for 7 years now.
I am a very lucky guy. I have the opportunity to be married to a beautiful, sensitive, wonderful wife.
I have the opportunity to be the father to my strong, smart, full of life lovely son.
I have the opportunity to be the son of my long loving mother!
I have the opportunity to remember my father and strangely enough the desire to make him proud.
I have an opportunity to grow a relationship with my brother and his wife.
I had a strange sense this morning I was not me. I am trying to tether myself to who I believe I am.
It is helping. I want change, but I need to remember that sometimes we get what we want, but what we get is not what we really want.
I was telling Shuna that I decided to recognize my current state as a sickness. I explained that this state makes no real sense to me, but by classifying it as an illness there is the possibility of curing it.
I suppose it does not need to be identified as a sickness. It could be described as just a problem, but sickness seems more applicable.
This sickness seems to be in contradiction to my values of appreciation. It seems to be something that can be fought, cured, helped, that there is hope.
There seems to be something that has “gotten under my skin” that I don’t understand. Sitting in front of a computer, even now with writing this, seems to be the catalyst to this current crisis. My body seems to be rebelling against my lifestyle of hours sitting and typing on a computer.
I seem to be unable or unwilling to tolerate it. I seem to need a change.
I look forward to this challenge and am curious where it will take me and my family.
I am thankful for this opportunity.