2-14-21
10:46 am Sunday
We have a ton of snow. I have not measured, but looks like about 15 inches.
It is still snowing. Viggo and I will go out and take care of the animals shortly.
I have not seen this much snow in the PNW ever, and I have lived here for almost 30 years.
I have been working more on the M.I.G.H.T Project. It is a good project.
My back is doing a little better. I found a back massager at my mother-in-law’s house as we were helping
to organize it.
I have been using it frequently. I am finding my back is full of cords that are sore.
These sinews seem to have gotten so tight that I seem to be strangled by them.
I am doing better, but these tendrils I have been tending for 30 plus years.
I have grown them, strengthened them and they have helped me battle through
the challenges I perceived to be urgent and threatening. I have held ready with the
rigidity of a ramrod and I have survived my battles and perhaps persevered.
Now these sinews that buttressed me I want to ask kindly to leave. I am being
Squeezed, strangled, crushed by that which I believe saved me.
It is very funny stuff.
What I really want to say is that my back seems to have a memory, a conscience.
As my back gets pummeled by the massager I feel what seems like fear or anxiety seeded in these sinews. These muscles, tissues, nerves seem to hold my fearful soul, my consciousness in their fibers. I find it baffling that I may not exist in my head but in my back. That I am a 21st century brontosaurus with my second brain in my back. I find it encouraging that by rubbing on my back it can have such a dramatic positive effect on my whole essence. I seem to be affected by any number of influences that it leads me to question is there really a “me” or just a consciousness that is so intrinsically connected to its surroundings that “I” is merely a thin slick of rainbow swirling recognition on an impenetrable bubble of being connected to an infinite number of bubbles with their rainbow shimmering pulsing and shimmering.
I want to appreciate all of this, but it is difficult. I am going to go out with Viggo and feed and water some cold and hungry animals.
Love you Shuna, thank you for the support, spring is coming.
I am thankful for this opportunity.