12-8-19
10:05 am Sunday
It is Sunday. Viggo reminded me to light the candle, it is a nice ritual we are starting.
I was having some trouble on Friday. I seemed to believe I was still the owner of the company
that we just sold. I woke up around 10pm on Friday night after gong to bed around 7:30pm with Viggo. I woke up with fear, panic, and confusion. It seemed to relate to the fact that my former business gave me a footing, a security, a salary. This fear, panic and confusion seems to me to be a primal state. This state is uncomfortable, and I desire to move away from it.
This is an interesting dynamic. One could learn not to move from this position.
I did spend some time in my youth working in this space. It is an uncomfortable place
to reside. It is still with me, this quiet discomfort. It somehow seems to offer a glow that illumines gently from behind. I may need to return to this place that I left off from when I was swept away with the pursuits of having a career, managing a business, amassing some
monetary wealth. This is not to say there was not tremendous value in what I have experienced on this recent path, but it is time to return from where I once came. I was somehow stuck previously on that early path in some eddies and now it seems to me I can be carried once more.
I am thankful for this opportunity.