11-6-20
8:30 am Friday
It has been an interesting time for our country and for the Cerrato family this past week.
As political leaders fight to birth their reality, to create their truth, we as the world hold our breath. I am not sure, but we may be inspired or terrified to see how what we actively support can truly take hold in this world. I believe these times show us how important it is to know what we value and how best to nurture our values. I want to appreciate this miracle, and these times strengthen my conviction. I hope I will be successful!
So as the vote count writhes around, Shuna and I seem to embody this writhing and confusion this week.
Last week I was off, but was doing much better after Halloween. Then Shuna and I had a disagreement about best practices for handling business expenses the day after Halloween when Shuna came home from a long day of work. The topic of disagreement really is something that we could agree about pretty easily, that it is not worth having an argument about. How does the inconsequential stuff blow up and become so consequential?
Shuna has also been having a hard time. I believe a large part of the cause has been all the difficulties she has had with her mother’s illness and recovery. But I believe that I have also added to her discomfort. Shuna, I am sorry for adding to your discomfort.
One of the interesting phenomena I experienced is that when Shuna and I had a disagreement about business expenses, I was taken aback by how quickly it spiraled and escalated into topics unrelated to the discussion. This phenomenon of escalation is quite common and where I made my mistake by not de-escalating it.
What I took away after the argument is that Shuna expressed strongly that she did not appreciate me currently. I am sure I did a very poor job of expressing that I appreciate her at that moment also… I was truly hurt and unsettled by her stance. I believe Shuna was successful in expressing her pain to me, this pain certainly spread to me and she certainly made me aware of it. What I should have taken away from that argument is simply that Shuna needs support and I should try to be helpful. Thank you Shuna for having the courage to share yourself with me. What I should have done that night when we argued about best practices for business expenses, is tell you I love you, that I appreciate you, and I should have asked how I can be helpful. I made a mistake and as a result I encouraged both you and myself to manifest ingratitude incarnate. I am sorry, Shuna, for this error. We have since discussed a plan to work through this and I am being encouraging of Shuna riding the horses daily along with some other actions points including getting rid of unused items, putting things away, aka not leaving them out. The goal is to clean things up and I support it 100%. We both have a vision of making our property a paradise that is inspiring to ourselves and others.
It is curious that the country seems to be under a similar spell of confusion that is similar to what we are experiencing as a family. However, this by no means absolves me of my responsibly to be kind, loving, thankful ,and appreciative.
As we go into battle and fight our dragons, it brings to mind an old illustration of Saint George as he stands victorious over the carnage of a rather small and pathetic dragon pierced through with his lance of righteousness. I muse about this scene, and about how Saint George is emboldened by this act that he perceives as absolutely righteous. I consider the dragon, a creature which looks to me to be very much like a large, harmless, miraculous and possibly medicinal salamander. That its unique beauty and pathetic gulping for air has been misinterpreted. It is slaughtered, and something mythical is lost. I imagine Saint George marching off the edge of that antique illustration, tall and proud with a clear path before him; but I mourn for the dragon.
Shuna, I love you. I want you to flourish. You offer the world a tremendous amount of light, and I hope I can have the honor to help you cast that light. You are beautiful. I apologize for adding to your discomfort and will do my best to helpful.
I am thankful for this opportunity.