4-4-20
10:32 am Saturday-
4-9-20
10:29 am Thursday
A Day With Ben
My Friend Ben passed away earlier this year.
I have known him throughout the 20 something years of his life.
I had many enjoyable times with him. I found out when
he was helping me move how surprisingly strong he was.
He had a gentle presence making him very pleasant company.
I am recalling a pleasant day I spent with Ben recently.
It is one of those rare days that leave you strangely satisfied as
warm sleep flows in.
Ben and I have a plan to use the fitness room at a condo complex in
downtown Ballard where I own a condo. I meet Ben in the early afternoon on a Tuesday. He is ready with the appropriate exercising accoutrements.
We walk towards downtown Ballard. I want to make a few stops at
my local meccas, Ballard Reuse and Ballard Consignment. Ben is
agreeable. He is very curious about the fitness room and if it has a leg press. I am not sure what he is talking about. He is very knowledge about this press. It is a free standing rack, he tells me, that allows you to do a free weight bar bell across your shoulders. He goes on to say that you don’t need to have a spotter while you do it because you can just lean into the rack and
it will catch the weight.
Ben tells me that doing leg presses is a “complete workout.”
I am a little concerned he won’t enjoy the fitness room because it
does not have a leg press.
I tell him it does not. He does not seem to care about the lack of a
leg press. I mused over this at the time, the interest Ben had in leg
pressing. He was a very slight but strong young man, who perhaps
wanted to bulk up, but why an interest in this leg pressing rack in
particular, I wondered.
It makes sense though that if you do want to use free weights, having a
spotter, someone to free you from an oversize load pinning you in some
way, required having someone there.
It can be freeing to be able to get a task done on your own.
The excitement that Ben had for leg pressing is quite charming and the
image of this very slight guy wanting to bulk up is also very charming.
We left the conversation of leg pressing, the lack of the press , and
the virtues of a “complete workout” behind in good humor to continue
our pilgrimage to the Ballard Reuse.
The Ballard Reuse is a fun store of odd, unique and beautiful salvaged
building materials and delightful staff and customers. I asked Ben if
he was willing to stop by there for a moment so I could scour the inventory quickly to see if any new treasures have
arrived. He was willing.
Ben had applied for a job there a few months earlier, but it did not
pan out. I was pleased to see that even though he did not get the job he was still willing to patronize this shop of curiosities.
I quickly scan the aisles as Ben wanders the store. All in all a
pleasant experience for both of us, I surmise. Off to the next stop
before we exercise, I alert Ben. I want to visit Ballard Consignment to hunt for treasures and Ben is game.
As we walk towards Ballard Consignment, we shoot the breeze.
I chat about President Trump and how I appreciate that he offers a different perspective than is typical. That I believe in true diversity.
That any system, eco or otherwise, needs to have a rich and diverse substance to it. In an eco-system you want a great diversity, from viruses to blue whales. In a system of ideas you want as many voices as possible from what
is perceived as the most vile to what is perceived as the most
noble. The overall concept is that everything, from viruses to rocks to ideas,
etc., wants to be – and I believe one wants a balance.
Just like a plague of any biological sort is too much of any one
thing, it then collapses the system.
Systems tend to collapse, and new ones are born. I appreciate our
current system and want to encourage its longevity and also believe
even if systems do collapse that there are seeds that get carried forward into the new system like vellum manuscripts or
dormant yeast that can flourish and feed a renaissance. What we do matters, and it affects us on a genetic level through gene expression, and it ripples out from us, through us. What we do matters.
I drone on for a few minutes until Ben offers some great feedback about
what I am saying. He mentions a professor, I forget his or her name, from Canada. He
starts with the “lobster effect”. He is surprised I have not heard
of it. He says this professor discussed “micro expressions”. I had not heard of this before. Ben explains that there have been studies on courting lobsters. That
male lobsters who win courting battles release endorphins. These endorphins seem to change the behavior of the lobster, perhaps making it seem more
confident.
Ben goes on to say that when other lobsters who have not battled this
confident lobster sense his success through “micro expressions” they don’t even try to battle him.
Ben suggests that people might be able to sense these micro expressions too.
I jump in saying this is how people like President Trump get so far.
I tell him about a young guy I knew who managed a coffee shop in
Wallingford. He was always saying he was better than just about everyone. I mention that I found his assertions strangely compelling. What makes someone seem successful might tie to these “micro expressions” and might explain why we don’t always challenge someone who should be challenged.
I really enjoy this banter with Ben, it is right up my alley and I
thank Ben for sharing it.
As we walk along 15th in the direction of Ballard Consignment
we changed direction!
We are talking about Skip, a mutual acquaintance, when Ben mentions he
works for an espresso machine distributor, only about 10 minutes out of our way. Ben says they sell the
best espresso machines.
I ask him if we wants to stop by and say hi to Skip since I haven’t
seen Skip for a year. Ben is agreeable and off we go.
Ben is not sure if Skip is working today but as we approach,
we see a strange vintage fire truck pulling up. I scream, Skip! Skip, ever since I have know him, has been fascinated with odd, rare, vintage and foreign motorized vehicles. I had heard from Ben
that Skip had bought a vintage German firetruck from the 70s. Skip plans to turn this into an RV.
We are pleased to catch Skip as he pulls in to park his latest Skip-mobile.
Skip helped Ben get a job as a doorman a few years back in Capital Hill, and was his manager there.
Skip is pleased to see us and gives us a tour of his workplace.
We pass by the espresso machines where Skip offers us espressos.
Ben and I thank him, but decline. Neither of us is a prolific
coffee drinker. I notice as Skip queries Ben if he has followed up on a job possibility that Skip has a very warm and gentle way with Ben. He obviously cares for Ben and in retrospect, it is one of the things that made that day so pleasant for me. Skip
continues the tour into the warehouse where there is a big remodel
underway. As we tour, it comes up how difficult it is being
different, how expensive it is to try to do things differently. Skip seemed a little beaten down. I find this is an opportunity to stress my values of ATM, “appreciate the miracle”.
I give him a business card. I tell him I believe in true diversity in
all things, and that his wacky vehicles and approach is part of creating a healthy eco
system. I say we are instinctively drawn to and inspired by difference. That what Skip is doing is bringing hope and light into the world. What he does matters. Skip listens
kindly to my rant and Ben also listens patiently. Skip tells us he needs to get back to work. As we walks us out, he asks me
to send him some photos of a walk-in freezer I’m converting into
an off-grid “Farm Stand”. This is a structure I bought at
the Ballard ReUse that he had seen too and was considering doing
something similar with. He enjoys the
photos. Skip gently nudges Ben to follow up about the possible job
opportunity. Ben and I leave Skip-land in buoyant spirts to continue
our journey to Ballard Consignment.
I don’t remember what we talk about on our way to downtown
Ballard, but I remember getting Ben’s suggestions as to the fastest way,
and we take side streets and pick our way through
hospital parking lots. As we near the condo where the fitness room
is, Ben remembers helping me move from and
comments on that move.
We arrive at Ballard Consignment. Ben and I peruse together
and then apart. Ballard Consignment is a huge consignment store. I find a large, old,
framed oil painting of Snoqualmie Falls. I locate Ben and we talk about how much “stuff” they have. I show him the painting. He likes it and asks if it is signed.
He mentions it might be worth some money if signed. It is not
signed. I decide to buy it anyway.
I discover later that this painting can be dated back to pre 1900 by “Seattle Rock”.
Seattle Rock is a prominent rock in the middle of the falls that was dynamited in 1900 to
prevent logs from damming the top of falls.
I pay for the painting and plan to pick it up later. We leave Ballard
Consignment to finally exercise. Ben has been very patient to humor all my shenanigans.
We cross the street from Ballard Consignment to enter the Condo building.
We go to the second floor and we have arrived. Ben seems pleased
with the how the room is outfitted. I mention to him again that there is no leg press. He
smiles and does not seem to mind the lack of the complete workout apparatus. There are no other people there. I turn on the TV and let him know I am going to pick the show. I find a terrible show about human size robots that box each other. It was
the epic battle of an underdog overcoming overwhelming odds. I loved it. Ben got a good few stifled laughs as I went on and on about how it is the best show I have ever seen. We do manage to use some free weights and a weighted machine.
Ben liked the weighted machine that has all sorts of possible combinations.
I am pleased that he seems satisfied with the complexity of the
machine and the resistance it provides to yield a qualified work out.
I then show him the shower. We both got a good giggle out of this odd set up. The shower is a free standing building in the courtyard. It is separate from the fitness room and you need to go outside to use it.
It has no lock on it. We open the door to it not knowing if anyone
is in it. It is dark, I turn on the lights. It is one
large 18 foot long 10 feet wide room. One end has the shower and
the other a heater and folding baby changing table. It would be a
decadent space other than that the space seems to have
imprisoned itself somehow, and Ben and I shake our heads
with an exhale of “Whoa” as we leave the unfortunate prison/prisoner. I
still am willing to shower, Ben is not.
Shuna has called and wants to go out to dinner.
She is rarely in Seattle so this is a nice treat. I ask Ben if he is up
for Burgers, and he is.
Off we go to pick up the painting from Ballard Consignment before they
close, and to meet Shuna.
Ben and I get the painting and Shuna arrives outside Ballard
Consignment. We all greet each other. Ben was a little disappointed
that Viggo was not there. Viggo was still with my mother.
We all get loaded up and off to Giddy Up Burgers.
We get to Giddy Up and we place our orders. I believe we all get a
OMG burger, and Shuna a beer. Shuna
loves her beer. My burger was a little greasy. Shuna and Ben were chatting quite a bit. Shuna said that she admired Ben for not finishing high school, for daring to be
different. Ben said, “Really?” incredulously. Shuna said that he was smart and
he did not need a high school diploma. I don’t remember what else was
talked about other than it was pleasant conversation amongst friends. It was time to go and we offered Ben a ride home.
Ben, however, wanted to jog home. He was insistent and refused a ride.
He still had his exercise clothes on. He seemed dressed to jog so I relented. We all said our goodbyes and off Ben went on his own way, a slender figure quickly
disappearing.
Ben had been very patient, quite generous with his time and just plain
good company. But at the end of the day we all had to go our own
ways. How do we find our way through the night as the warm twilight darkens? I believe
there is light in each of us that reaches out to others to help guide
and comfort. I know from the time I spent with Ben, that he was
not alone. He had many spotters, he was surrounded by people, light, all
reaching out to him, embarrassing him, loving him.