11-1-20
9:41 am Sunday
It is a beautiful day today. Viggo is listening to the “Puzzle “ on the radio.
It is amazing that he likes listening and so do I. I really can not do these puzzles nor can Viggo. What the attraction is, people chatting and enjoying themselves and perhaps more of a call and response cadence that is alluring. Viggo is scraping the pumpkin/ squash mess off the stone floor with a scraper. He loves doing it and I love the help. He is doing a wonderful job.
I found myself stretching my back late last night after trick or treating. I have found myself being very off this last week. I am not sure of the reasons, but I have been ingratitude incarnate and it has been eating me up. Where the strength of the consumption seemed to stem from was at the base of my neck and between my shoulders. The gravity of this seems to cave in my shoulders and hunch me under this inheritance. I am not sure what I believe about intelligence but perhaps the old adages of having an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other might fall more into my experience. I find my devil weighs on my spine collapsing my faith, my values, my hope and my humanity. With momentum of this collapse of my frame I flow into a world full of anger, confusion and blame. As Shuna likes to observe accurately, “Papa feels very small.” She is right. I stretched my back late last night as I listened to the romantic horror novel by Mary Shelley as a radio play.
As I stretched my back I was shocked to experience the relief and the tyranny of this physical restraint. I am amazed that my motivations are perhaps driven by the weight of a hand on my shoulder and not from some intellectual summoning.
What helped me relax was going out with Shuna and Viggo dressed as a fireman, trick or treating.
Viggo and I had prepped our neighbors about our plan to trick or treat earlier in the week when we delivered pumpkins to them. One neighbor has been waiting 18 years for someone to come and trick or treat at her house. We were honored to be her first! Our neighbors were so welcoming, so kind, so honestly joyful to have us visit for a moment under the full moon on a crisp clear Autumn night, it helped weaken the spell of my malaise.
This reminds me that what we do matters. That these small acts of generosity, of love, of joyfulness are the sparks that can ignite us and guide us to a world, existence, vision I want to support, be a vessel for, to be a host and a carrier of.
To lean into the light is what I hope to do. I want to appreciate the miracle!
Thank you Shuna, Viggo and all our friends and family for your kindness on the spookiest night of the year!
I am thankful for the opportunity.